My little business….

Ok. This post is going to be totally different than the rest. I want to share this wonderful company that has given me the chance to have a small business right here at home. Right here with my children. Who are they?

        Younique. YOUNIQUE. Younique. 

First off, let me say, their mission alone is a reason to absolutely love them. 

  • Younique’s mission is to uplift, empower, validate, and ultimately build self-esteem in women around the world through high-quality products that encourage both inner and outer beauty and spiritual enlightenment while also providing opportunities for personal growth and financial reward.

Who can’t love that? What a positive message!

Anyway. Back to my point. This company has give me so much more than the opportunity to be at home with my children. They have helped me see how beautiful I really am. I’ve always been a very big hearted, giving person. I just never could find the outer beauty to go along with it. Main reason, I can not stand tons of makeup on my face. Well, Younique has mastered that. They make everything to where it doesn’t take hardly any to make an impact. So, now I am officially a makeup addict. Wait, let me take that back. I am officially a Younique addict! 

I have been able to come out of my shell and feel beautiful! Thank for that Younique!  Now, my mission is to help other women see the real them. The beautiful them, inside and out.  

Come join the movement! 

My battles…. My Army battles. 

Here we go y’all…..

Tonight I’m sitting here watching Navy Seals: Americas Secret Warriors. It brings back so many memories. It makes me think of all my battles from when I was in. It makes me realize that we all have a very special bond that will last forever. Those people were there when everyone around us wanted us dead. All we had was each other. We were there, together, fighting against people that hated us. 

I knew that no matter what happened those people were there. They were my family. They were my comrads. They were ultimately my protectors, and I was theirs. 

So many memories that go beyond the war we were fighting against people that hated us and didn’t want us there. 

One memory that sticks with me so strong is Moo. How she was my ultimate battle. That we were stuck together even when we weren’t together. We got separated not long after getting to Iraq. She was sent with another unit. As time went on she was put with another unit then another unit. They lost track of where she was. Nobody knew where to find her. I was so scared, so so scared that I had lost my battle. I annoyed the hell out of our command to find her. Nobody could. Then one night I was eating chow. My NCO called me outside. I couldn’t see. It was dark. All of a sudden someone ran and jump on me, wrapping their legs and arms around me. It was her, it was Moo! I knew it without seeing her face. My battle was safe, she was ok, she was there with me. Life, at that point, in a god forsaken country, was OK. I had my battle. 

That’s not the only memory. There are so many more.  Moo just meant so much to me, and still does. 

I can remember feeling the safest I ever did when I was there when I was with Chachi and Fourroux. Those guys always made sure us girls knew that if they were there no one would ever hurt us. That they would never let anything happen to us. 

There are so many memories of all of you. So many. I could go on and on but my teary eyes won’t let me. These are the raw emotions that will always be raw. They will be raw because these were the times that our lives were in each others hands. That all we had was each other in a time that no one around us cared if we lived. 

Remember, my battles, you ALL mean so much to me. You always will. No matter how far life take us or how many miles there are between us, you will always be in my heart. No one will ever understand what we went through but us. I love you guys. 

To his ex

As odd as this may be, I’m just compelled to write this. 

To the one before me…. 

Thank you for all the things you did to mess things up with him. 

Thank you for breaking his heart over and over again. By you breaking his heart all the time he was able to find someone and allow them to love him. He was able to find someone who didn’t want to break his heart. Just the opposite, heal it and make it all better. 

Thank you for always lying to him. By all your lies being told he was able to find someone he could trust. Someone who wouldn’t lie to him because they are best friends and lovers. 

Thank you for never supporting him in all the ways he should be. By your lack of support he was able to find someone who supports him and sees his true worth. Someone who wants nothing but the best for him. 

Thank you, just thank you. For everything you did. All the things to mess it up with him. He is an amazing man that deserves nothing but the best love that can be offered

I’m glad I was able to find this man and give him all he deserves. I’m more than happy to be the one to love him, support him and be his best friend. So, again, thank you for all your screw ups. 

I love you JBM, forever. 

I am blessed….. 

OK, so I originally started this blog post about a month ago and just never finished it. Well, today God made it very clear to me that I need to finish it. 
Me and my bestie were getting Mary Kay facials done today. We arrive to the lady’s house so we can do this. We go in, introduce ourselves and begin. My bestie asks her if she has children. She replies, My baby boy is in heaven. I just about lost it right there.She hadn’t long lost her baby and I don’t know how she done it. I would be a basket case right now. So here’s where the original post begins. 

 It’s been awhile, I know. I’ve been super busy with a 11 month old that is ALL over the place and a 7 year old that is super smart. 

Well, this post is actually about them. My 2 blessings. Everyday I am so thankful that God chose me to be their Mama. Out of all the women in the world, he chose me to create, love, teach, and guide these two. That, my friends, is a true blessing. The reason I say this is simple. I was blessed with two perfectly healthy, beautiful, smart, sweet, loving girls. Some women never get to experience that feeling. That blessing. For some reason, there are women out there that God chose to let them have their blessings only for a short time. Some that never got to hear the first cry, or see their beautiful eyes, or kiss their little toes. Some that got this but only for a short time. They never got to take their blessings home. Some that got to take them home but never got to hear them say Mama or Dada. 

Then again maybe these women are the true warriors. To have the strength to let their blessings go. To have the strength to move on after that. It takes real strength to carry a new life and then have to let it go. My heart fully goes out to any woman that has lost a baby. Whether it be early on because of miscarriage or after they’ve been born and held them. Just the thought of losing one of my girls breaks my heart. 

So, to all those women, you are the true heros. You are the strongest of the strong. 

The Butterfly Effect (not the movie) 

I know it’s been awhile people. For that, I am sorry. But here ya go….. 

So, me and the boyfriend were talking. The subject of the butterfly effect came up. For those of you that have no clue what it is….. 

So basically, change one tiny thing and it can effect the entire outcome of the future. 

Anyway, the subject came up about the little things we would make different in our pasts. Then I mentioned that changing just the one little thing could have made things so entirely different today. 

It’s so very true though. For example, if I would have chose to move back to Florida after I got out of the Army things now would be so very, very different. I would have never met my ex and stayed in NC, I would have never known about small town Raeford, I would have never had my first daughter and I wouldn’t have met my love and we wouldn’t have a beautiful baby girl together. 

So see, one seemingly small thing could have changed the whole course of my future. 

I look back in my life and think things could have been so different. But honestly, I’m glad ever single thing happened exactly how it did. I wouldn’t want my life to be any other way at this very moment. 

Friends, just remember the Butterfly Effect when you say you wish you would have done this or wish this had happened. Do you love your life the way it is? Then don’t wish to change anything. One tiny thing could mean EVERYTHING else would be different. 

In my arms

As I was rocking my baby girl to sleep tonight I realized something. The face of a sleeping child is the sweetest thing on earth.

No matter what the day has held, those faces change everything. If you’ve had a bad day, a rough day, a disappointing day, that face sleeping will change it all.

Some nights I catch myself watching our girls sleep. I just stand there and watch them as they are peacefully unaware of the cruel world around them. Their only protection from the cruelties of life is in our hands. We are their keepers, the ones who make it all better. It’s as if they know that they are completely and 100% safe right here, at home.

I can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment just knowing they feel that safety. Knowing that no matter what the world throws at them, we are right here to catch them when life knocks them down.

Most nights I rock my baby girl to sleep. I swear, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Just being able to hold her and provide that safety for her gives me the best pleasure as a mother. I remember rocking my first born the same way and feeling the best I could. Just knowing she felt the safest in my arms was great. I won’t always be able to hold any of our girls like that forever because on day they will be grown. But I hope they all know that right here, in my arms, none of them will be harmed, they will always be safe. Always.

None of them will ever be subjected to the tumultuous childhood I had. With every last fiber in my body, they will be safe and protected.

So, like I was saying, just looking at a child as they sleep peacefully, is one of the greatest things there is. One of the greatest rewards life has.

Parents, cherish them when they are small. Before the cruel world gets to them and hardens them as people. Cherish the innocence. Cherish their curiosity. Cherish it all while they are still perfectly innocent and look to you for all their protection, love and guidance.

I love you girls. All of you. With all my heart.  KMDP, RRB, JBM and JBM.


Guarded Hearts


Well, my friends,  this is one of those ‘all in my feelings’ blogs. It’s about all of us having guarded hearts in some way.

In some form we all have guarded hearts. We have something that keeps us from opening that one door to our hearts. For some of us, that door is bigger than others. Some of us only have a small, little lock on that door.  Some of us have every padlock and chain on it that we can find so that we can keep every single soul out.

Some of us guard our hearts because we just don’t trust easily. Some have been hurt so badly by someone they gave their heart to. Some have just been through such a harsh tragedy that they just refuse to go through that hurt ever again. Hell, for a few it may even be all of the above, plus some.

But in the end it’s either we die lonely, with a guarded, angry heart or we finally find that one person that makes us see that we can let down that guard. For those of us lucky enough to meet that perfect person, we learn that life can go on with all the love in the world and a heart that we can finally let go of and trust someone with.

For me, most of you know my story, I was one that was guarded for many reasons. My step-dad and his shenanigans when I was little girl really scarred my heart, bad. Then I thought I found someone who was going to help me love. He would end up being my first husband. Well, that was a mistake. He just found other ways to hurt me and make me guard my heart even more. I then met my most current ex. I thought, hey, a girl won’t hurt me like the men in my life have. Granted, she did help me overcome a lot of my past. But at the same time she found even more ways to hurt me and make me guard my heart. So, needless to say, my heart had locks that were broken but then replaced with even bigger locks and heavier chains.

So, believe me when I say, I know all about a guarded heart.

But then one day this blue eyed prince came into my life. He showed me that love without limits is possible. Now,  I’m not saying all those locks are gone but he has found a way to unlock most of them. Unfortunately, some of those can’t be unlocked by him. Those are the locks that my good ol pops is unlocking. It has taken 34 years to finally find the two men in my life that love without adding hurt. Its a strange, but wonderful feeling to finally be able to slowly give my heart the freedom it deserves.

For any of you out there that have a guarded heart, it is possible to give your heart away without limits. There is that someone out there that can make you feel truly loved. Just don’t give up hope.
Never lose hope.